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    Picture posed by models Dating can often be fraught with uncertainty and self-consciousness. For those with incurable sexually transmitted infections STIsare tailored websites the answer for people nervous of telling potential partners about their condition? The past decade has witnessed the growth of niche dating websites - from Amish to Zombie enthusiasts - but a particularly burgeoning sector has been the proliferation of STI dating websites.

    Now there are so many, there are Top 10 lists. Many have taglines such as "Stay positive! In fact, it's a whole new start," it says on H-YPE. Others, such as PositiveSingles - which has 30, members in the UK, accumulatingnew members last year worldwide - and DatePositive, which has more than 6, profiles, allow users to search for people with almost any sexually transmitted infection.

    Typically you enter your age and sexual preference, details you'd add on any mainstream dating site. Then you can search for people with a specific sexually transmitted infection. The rise in these dating sites coincides with increasing rates of STIs. A brief history Thanks to the discovery of penicillin in the early 20th Century, syphilis and gonorrhoea can now be treated with antibiotics, but both infections were once incurable.

    Renaissance physicians thought syphilis had been brought from the New World in the 15th Century by Christopher Columbus, but other estimates put the disease as far back as the 13th Century in Europe.

    Earlier names for syphilis include "French disease" and "the great pox". A 12th Century illness described as "the perilous infirmity of burning" may have referred to gonorrhoea, also known as "the clap". The bacteria neisseria gonorrhoeae were first described by German physician Albert Neisser in It means that entering the dating world with an STI is a reality for many.

    And the stigma can make it a daunting prospect. Kate, 36, from Manchester, who has herpes, thinks the stigma attached to STIs also means "people assume you've slept around".

    It belies the fact that many people contract STIs from long-term partners - with some people only discovering they've contracted one at the same time they find out their partner has been unfaithful. For many, the thought of telling a new partner about their STI is terrifying. Many feel there's no "right time" to have the talk. Too late, and there's the risk of incurring anger or losing trust. Too early, and the person may cut their losses before even getting to know you.

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    Kate recalls how a promising relationship was ruined by the disclosure of her herpes. He didn't want to take any chances. Even when you're let down politely, it affects you.

    It makes you realise that you are a bit different," says year-old Londoner Mark, who has had both herpes and HPV for more than 20 years.

    Keep Anonymous When Connecting

    Against this backdrop, it's easy to understand the success of STI dating websites. On most sites, users can write as much or as little about their condition as they like. Putting all the information upfront "brings it back to the basics of a relationship And there is a feeling that some provide more than a mainstream dating site, offering support networks and a sense of community.

    There are often online counsellors, people can share their experiences in blog posts and some have events. However, some people are wary of the message STI dating websites could send. HVA director Marian Nicholson believes that some sites perpetuate the negative stigma surrounding herpes. This is completely out of touch with the reality of living with a condition like herpes, she says.

    For most people, it barely affects their lives, while many others do not even know they have it.

    I have HPV!?

    Similarly HPV often only causes one outbreak of genital warts despite technically being incurable, says sexual health physician Dr Mark Pakianathan. Even H-YPE founder Max agrees that the sites contribute to the stigma, although he calls it a "necessary evil" because the stigma exists regardless. There's also the suggestion that these sites can give the false impression that just because you have the same STI, unprotected sex is safe.

    And there are more strains of HPV, of which more than 30 affect the genital area. Of course plenty of people with STIs find love with non-infected partners. Despite joining an STI dating site, Kate says she kept her profiles on mainstream dating websites, clearly stating her herpes condition. Although she received the odd abusive message, it's where she met her current partner.
    There's no reason to stop looking for love and fun. Genital herpes doesn't detract from your many desirable qualities, which have drawn people to you in the past and will continue to make you a great catch.

    Broaching the Topic of Genital Herpes The first date after a genital herpes diagnosis may seem a little strange, however. If you hope to be sexually intimate with your date at some point, you may feel like you're keeping a secret. If you are one to be candid with people, you'll want to blurt it out. There are some things you should reveal about yourself right away -- for example, that you're married, or that you're just in town for the week -- but some things are better left for the appropriate moment.


    It's up to you to decide the right time to tell a date that you have genital herpes. First, don't wait until after having sex. Second, don't wait until you're just about to have sex -- in which case the attraction may be too strong for either of you to think rationally and act responsibly.

    If in the past you tended to start a new relationship with sex, you now might want to change your approach. It might be better to break the news about herpes to someone who has already grown attached to you. Kissingcuddling, and fondling are safe, so you don't have to tell before you do that.

    But use your best judgment as to how physically intimate you want to get before telling. One thing could lead to another, and you might find yourself in an awkward situation. Dealing With Rejection Anyone who dates should be prepared for rejection. The person you're seeing may beat a hasty retreat when he or she finds out you have genital herpes.

    Dating Community and Support Since 2001

    If you get the "I just want to be friends" talk after telling your sweetheart you have herpes, consider this: He or she may have already been looking for a way out, and herpes was as good an excuse as any. What's more, anyone who disdains or humiliates you for having herpes was never worth your while. Continued Keep datingand you will find someone who wants to be with you regardless of your condition.

    There are certainly some who wouldn't mind keeping the intimacy level just short of doing things that could transmit the virus. And of those people, it's likely that at least one will come around, and say, "Hey, I understand there's a risk, but I'm crazy about you, so I'm willing to take it. If you already use dating services or personal ads, you can also use any of those specifically for people with genital herpes.

    A search on the Internet for "herpes dating" will turn up several.
    I finally decided to take a new path. I decided to work on myself and become the person I wanted to be whilst in a relationship rather than focusing on what I could get out of a relationship. I enrolled in a course called Avatar which is about exploring consciousness and discovering any limiting beliefs which hold us back in our lives and I began working on being the best person, friend, and partner I could be.

    It was important to me to have integrity with my dating so I utilized Positive Singles while I was working on myself I am learning to take it day by day. I refuse to let it define me. I will not be reckless, but I will be adventurous.

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    I will always disclose my status to potential partners- it has separated the sincere from the strictly sexual already. I know that I will still find real love, the love I deserve I am not just STD. I am worth getting to know. I am worth taking a chance on The right man may or may not have Herpes, but the right man will see me If you wish there was a place where you didn't have to worry about being rejected or discriminated against, PositiveSingles was designed with you in mind.

    This is a warm-hearted and exclusive community for singles with Herpes and STDs. We care a great deal about your privacy. You are not required to submit any information that would make you uncomfortable. All your personal information can remain private and anonymous until you want to take things further. Everyone with an STD can join us regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation or gender.

    There are over million people living with STDs in the US as well as an estimated million people worldwide. So you are not alone! As a Silicon Valley firm, we have been in the online dating business for over 17 years! Persons appearing in photographs may not be actual members. Other data are for illustrative purposes only. PositiveSingles does not conduct background checks on the members of this website.

    PositiveSingles is one of a group of affiliated dating sites serving people with diverse and varied interests. Please refer to our Privacy Policy for details regarding your privacy interests.

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